Let Them Work f&%$ing Harder
Can the average person compare their twerk at werk and life to the great Kardashian brand?
I’ve long wondered when the toxic American brew of ‘hustle culture’ and our infamous reality treasures ‘the Kardashians’ would line up and join forces for some ‘viral online content’. Finally! It’s happened, like a long-awaited planet-alignment in the dark sky — our unhealthiest work-harder brags and E!Queens of pop-culture agree: *You’d Better Work Like Us, Which is Harder Than Literally Everyone Else, Bitch.”
“I have advice for women in business… get off your fucking (pardon her french) ass and work. It seems no one wants to work these days,” the not-self-made billionaire said icily from her her full-beat o’ makeup and sculpted leather harness. Like a war-sergeant headed into fashion-battle, she delivered a pissed-off soliloquy as Kourt, Kris, and Khloe yes-girl’d and mm’ — hmm-d her (though Khloe seemed quiet). Kim’s fury fully registered, as the creator of ‘Poosh’ murmured ‘so true’: Once more into the breach, you lazy bitches, once more!
We plebs were all, ‘omiga haha ok sure?’I’d clicked on the article after reading endlessly about the devastation of Ukraine. I needed something light after each horrible image led me to mutter ‘can we intervene? no we can’t but we should but wait what about nuclear war?” So I clicked on an entertainment site. Fun? But no. J’Accuse, Variety online content! That fluffy Kardashian click was not a right choice! There’s no comfort in knowing we’ve let a Kardashian down — how do we move on?
First we must understand what we are guilty of, which is (according her her) the pure decadent complacency of not working fucking hard enough. But, about that curse word — it’s the way she says ‘fucking’ that lets me know she not only hurts, but has also proudly and defiantly worked harder than any of us. She is smug. She is pissed. She is proud of herself. She’s been FECKING WARKING.
What is ‘hard-work’ even, as dictated by a person enamored by hustle culture? I ponder this as a female near Kim’s age who has worked pretty fecking hard since I was fifteen (or, twelve if you count the $2 an hour I made babysitting and wish to bemoan the child-labor baby-sitting racket of the 80's/90’s. I digress.)
Is ‘hard-work’ the job you take so you can afford four-walls and some soup? Do you punch in and out of your job on an actual clock? Then your job is probably VERY hard. Is your second job the one you take to keep your kids in decent shoes? Who has a job, and who has a career? It ain’t an even playing field. What is a job you need vs a job you get to love? Does ‘who you know’ help at all? For sure. Does who your parents are, or what region you are born in affect anything? Did your parents encourage you, ever? Does your race affect you, in the positive or negative? Is your family educated? Were you raised in a safe environment? Are you attractive? Have you suffered any injuries or have any learning disabilities? As a person who reads ‘the news’, and once watched the Seven Up British documentary on ‘class’ — I say YES those things all affect where and how one works. Duh.
Is Kim K taking those ‘thangs’ into consideration as she stares down these non-hard working woman in America! Pardon, workers ‘in business’. Isn’t every work place a ‘business’ somehow? “I work in business’ very few people have said to me in this life. I’m often wary of those who use the word ‘business’ too much, anyhow. It’s vague, women ‘in business.’ Does she mean ‘women-in-business’ like the beloved Melanie Griffith in ‘Working Girl’, muttering on about ‘spreadsheets’ while walking to work in sneakers and a shoulder-padded jacket? Work is work, beb.
KK’s ‘job’ was once being famous, which she smartly turned into a brand, and ergo a career. She’s no dummy, and has been smart enough to grow her fame after being born into fortunate circumstances. Started at the top (she’s still there), never an unknown in a mail room, mopping floors or breaking down boxes — the grunt labor many of us did for longer than desired. We know what privilege is by now, and that much of life is not fair. I worked 80 hours last week in a career I love, and yet I still can’t afford to buy any sort of home in my expensive city. Wait! Am *I* a ‘woman in business’ who isn’t working hard enough?
Oof . Now I’m beginning to feel that ole Kardashianxiety.
The first time Kardashianxiety fell on me is tied to ‘all of their contour.” If your job is ‘makeup artist’ (that’s me) that contour question will come back to bite. For me, no contour! Yet, a kontoured butterfly flapped its wings in Calabasas, and became an ‘international beauty trend’ so I’ve spent the intervening years convincing teenangers dear lord— NO, they do not need to contour. I remain on this mission, staring at the Kardashians and questioning things like contour, femininity, spandex, hoodie-glamour, full-brows, tantouring, Calabasas, the pools they don’t swim in, Ye, having babies, Foodgod, and having it all. What ever ‘it all’ is?
Kardashians are full-out femme — they’re nearly past ‘10’ on the femme-dial with those lashes, glossed lips, hard-booty-bodies, and now this ‘you’d better work’ mantra. They’re kind of like drag queens sans any camp or sense of humor (I said kind of, don’t worry). Nails long, the wigs-present, and their wealth is forever. Does their crazysexycool wealth allow them more and better health, fertility, glamour, and success at work-hustle? Their wealth helps them do everything! ‘Yes, duh, obviously’’, you say. They just don’t seem to see it themselves.
The second time I felt anxious was ‘every-time a Kardashian discussed how many babies a person who can have babies should or shouldn’t have.’ According to the Kardashian rules of fertility: If you can carry a baby, you must have one — but really you should have more than one.
If you CAN’T have a baby easily, you should: Try harder! Try fertility doctors! They aren’t eye-wideningly expensive, right? No success? Try harder again at the fertility doctors! *they’re about 20k a pop, FYI. OR — just find another person to carry the baby you must have. Ah yes, the easy and affordable world of ‘surrogacy!’
Most importantly — a baby-making body ought to have four, yes precisely FOUR BABIES. That’s the correct number. Nay, it’s ‘perfect’ having four babies, Kim K purred at her sisters on their show. Four babies ‘made’ their family. My womb heard this and rudely flipped me off, ignoring all the reasons I’m not (can’t/won’t/my business) having kids. Wombs will shout, trust me — especially when watching reality TV. I can’t explain it fully. Fortunately, we are a bit more complicated than the philosophy ‘HEY GIRL YOU GOTTA HAVE A BABY!’
There are minimal conversations about anyone going ‘no kids for me!’ in the Kardashian world, their fervor driving little daggers into the sides of those dealing with difficult reproductive decisions. “Perfect”. She purrs about her four babies she was fortunate enough to have, some via surrogate. “Work harder” she says, without mention of those who don’t have the same luck or jumping-off point.
The Kardashians are southern cali bombshells with multiple brands, kids, ‘business ventures’ with plenty of professionals advising them. Trainers are on body-work, lawyers on tutoring, surrogates on babies, chefs cooking healthy meals, party planners for events, gardeners, cleaners, and hair-stylists and makeup artists doing endless ‘glam’. So proud of their hard work, yet failing to mention the hard-workers behind their work.
This doesn’t mean they haven’t done a lot, or overcome any diversity. No one should shame them for how they present themselves (I respect a woman in high glam as much as I respect a woman au natural). We certainly should’t sex-shame them for anything at all, ever (as I’ve sadly seen many times this week). Anyone can look hot, be intelligent, work as hard as they need, and have sex-lives all at the same time. I just don’t think anyone right now is in need of corrections on hustle-culture from… well, anybody. But especially when that anybody is a billionaire.
Her bravado rained down on a society barely emerging from a) An already unequal playing field aka good ‘ole sexism. b) the Pandemic! c) Fucking Ukraine (the curse is mine and valid). Her cut-down felt like it came from Satire Monthly, if only that existed. She should brush up on reports of ‘economic inequality’, or read up on the many women who left the work-place during Covid to take care of their families, because of continued inequality in the work place. Maybe she’d then fathom how hard work has been without any of ‘the help’ she’s used to. The end. Now, get back to wark.
